“a waft of fish”

In such a search for love, these are the hard yards, the doldrums, the bleak winter of discontent. We’ve lost some of the also-rans, who never had a chance but who entertained us with song and swearword. But we’ve also taken on board some skanks and crazies so the cronies at Channel 10 can milk this to the last.  Richie ran out of things to say literally weeks ago, so we simply have to keep slogging it out until the end.

Single Date time first up and Richie has finally got his shit together so he can ask Olena out again.   Holy Jesus, this girl is scorching hot and Richie knows full-well he is way out of his depth. It makes his awkward fumbling for conversation even worse than normal, and Olena’s not exactly a chatterbox, preferring the classic ‘completely demoralise them with incredible smoldering looks and  utter disinterest’ approach.

What she does say gives little away – she talks of “Letting him find out more about me” suggesting that she’s happy to play along for the cameras but really doesn’t give a shit. Her claim that she hasn’t had her heart broken “because of my protection” implies that either she is a cold hard bitch or maybe it was because her Russian Oligarch Father’s security firm never let her have a boyfriend. Was my confidence in Olena being The One misplaced?

Anyway after a corny date in the countryside Richie tries his luck with an interesting deviation from his classic come-on trilogy, this one specifically designed for Olena:

  1. Amazing eyes
  2. Mysterious
  3. Tongue

Fair play to the boy, he’s kissing the girl of his dreams, and what’s more, she’s kissing him back!
In fact, in a complete role-reversal, Olena is virtually eating Richie’s mouth. She’s slipping him the tongue. And now she’s grabbing his chin! And when they’re finished, she’s giving him patronising comments on his technique!

As Housemate A observed, Olena ‘gets his P-P all hot and bothered’, Richie feels ‘like he’s 14 again’, and Olena’s in the final 2. It just happened, people.

Group Date and more humiliating activity challenges, this time for the honour of joining Richie in a romantic 3-way date. Could they really not eek out anything more interesting than the dross that ensued? Fuck me this is depressing.

Next up Keira finally has a single date and it was an unmitigated disaster. After finally getting her chance to be alone and bewitch Richie with her charms, Keira completely ruined her chance by being over-bearing and contrary. Richie looked genuinely afraid of her at times and, good for him, he called it off early.

Keira @ 2pm: “There’s a definite chemistry going on between us”

Keira @ 2.45pm: “We were definitely on the same page which was refreshing”

Muppett.

I enjoyed Quote Machine Keira for a while. She said some things. She had a few arguments. She sucked her lips. But she’s clearly in denial about how fucked up she is.  And she’s about a 5, when she thinks she’s at least a 9, which is a recipe for a sad and lonely life.  I hope she gets well, but I don’t think she’s going to realise until she’s way beyond 40.  And the only guys who will go near her now are douche-bags who want to fuck a Bachelorette.

Rose Ceremony Humiliation Time

There’s an air of celebration with the news of Keira’s departure. Noni sat there with her mouth open for a minute. Everyone’s in a good mood. Except for Alex, who’s still feeling upset and confused. And she remains completely oblivious to anyone else’s feelings which drives me up the wall. The worst part is everyone else plays along. Like they care about her desperate situation. Like they wouldn’t push her out of a moving car to get alone time with Richie.  Like they would piss on her if she were on fire.

I did find it funny when she farted though. Maybe the chilli crab didn’t agree with her?

Or maybe Alex’s special connection with Richie told her that something was up when he and Nikki slipped away. I can’t help but wonder how confused and upset Alex would be if she actually saw Richie’s special moment with Nikki and their sneaky pash in the love seat. That was pretty powerful stuff and Nikki has to be among the favourites now – she would be odds-on for the win if it weren’t for Olena being from another Galaxy.

Onwards, and hopefully upwards. Surely it’ll get better from here.

 

This episode was brought to you by Sydney Seafood School and Billabong Yoga Retreat. And by presenting partner Hahn SuperDry, the clean crisp taste that goes beautifully with chilli-crab or pan fried snapper.


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