“I couldn’t walk for a week”

 

“This is it!”
“It’s getting to the danger zone.”
“We’re fighting for love.”
“People are going to get hurt.”

And with these great quotes we embark on another emotional roller-coaster of romance and humiliation.

First up is Alex who gets another Single Date and reacts like God himself has reached down and touched her G-Spot.

Much like God, Richie has come up with yet another incredible, unique thoughtful idea for a date, and its incredible uniqueness and thoughtfulness is not lost on Alex:
“Is that a Ferrari? Holy shit! He’s picked me up in a Ferrari! No-one has ever done that before on the Bachelor! He’s so special. We’re so special. It must be because of our great chemistry. We have such great conversations. He’s always got these amazing surprises. He’s organised an amazing chocolate date and enlisted the Lindt master chocolatier to make it so special. I bet that guy won’t mind if we have a chocolate fight. Is that a bath? Is that why I’m wearing this towel robe? I can’t believe this is really happening to me”.

Takeouts:
– All of their ‘great conversations’ lasted around 7 words at most. ‘Great’
– The pretend laughter was massively awkward. ‘ha ha ha ha ha’         ‘ha’
– The bit where their chocolaty hands slid together like Ghost was the worst moment of my entire life.
– I was just sick in my mouth again, thinking about the chocolaty hands thing.

Thursday’s Humiliating Competition Time
And the girls conveniently play along by completely humiliating themselves. Ho hum.

Obviously the gayest Scottish man in the village was the highlight.

Obviously the low-light was Richie being told by the producers to nick off with Amateur Ventriloquist Sarah. She doesn’t have a deal-breaker. She basically puts up with ‘any-think’. She doesn’t really have much else either, except for ridiculous eyelashes and the world’s most annoying voice. And she doesn’t really have ‘any-think’ to say at all.

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Rose Ceremony Humiliation Time
Osh Maths: 7 – 6 = 1. Bravo.

A couple of mistakes from the producers tonight:
– Firstly, spending most of their time trying to suggest Olena was possibly not getting a rose, when it’s clear that she has already got to the final 3 based on hotness alone.
-Secondly, did we really need the epic Blade Runner music to accompany Amateur Ventriloquist Sarah’s exit? Seemed like a waste to me.

Oh well Bye Sarah. Good luck with the Ventriloquism. Although I must question taking up a career which relies on your Hell-a-annoying voice.

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In other news, Housemate A had a strong return to form tonight, obviously geed up by my comments last night. Here are the highlights:

“Ewwwww that is gross. I feel like we should not be watching this”.
“She is basically schtooping him”
“They’re basically all blondes, besides Kiki who is a bit ethnic”.
“She’s flashing everyone. Look, you can see her G-Banger”.
“You just had a date, Moron”.
“You’re talking to a girl who has eye-lash extensions for days.”
“Bloody hell, it’s like Dynasty”.
“They’ve back-combed the fuck out of her hair”.
“Kiki looks like a high-class hooker”.

dynastalex

And I’ll leave you with a fantastic Bachie quote from the Gays on Gogglebox, the actual best TV show on the planet: “i don t care what these heteros do at home but do we have to fucking watch it on TV?”

This episode was brought to you by Lindt chocolate, making delicious sex balls of chocolaty romance since 1763.  And by presenting Sponsor Hahn SuperDry, making delicious sex bottles of beery romance since 1988.

 


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