Sorry. I’ve been away. I’ve missed 3 episodes. And what’s worse is I seriously couldn’t give a fuck. Absence has not made the heart grow fonder. In fact I’ve faced up to the fact that Richie is boring as batshit.
And yet, as much as I don’t want to get back involved, they go and give me Alex’s brother.
Hilarious. And he’s got Richie gibbering like a nervous wreck.
But the even better part is Alex’s Mum is way hotter than Alex. MILF alert! And she’s not a fucking useless drip like her daughter.
Next – Mysterious Olena. Tennis Olena. Tennis mini-skirt Olena. Little white shorts Olena. Holy fucking shit Olena. But Olena’s Dad has got Richie’s number, and he’s hard as fucking nails. And Olena is Daddy’s girl. Tough call Richie. Olena in white shorts vs Olena’s Dad beating the living shit out of you. I’m taking the white shorts any day.
But the truth is, Richie, you’re not good enough for her. You know it. She knows it. And most important of all, her Dad knows it.
Ted Danson’s turn, and wearing no bra seems to be her best shot at this point.But those tits aren’t good enough for her to win. I feel bad because she seems quite nice. But I just don’t think Richie’s type is Ted Danson.
That doesn’t mean we shouldn’t enjoy her brother.
Eventual Winner Nikki’s turn. Meeting her parents, Richie initially struggles to tell which one is her Mum and which is her Dad. This is a concern.
And now Snowy is on the case. And Snowy’s advice is: “think of your worst day, then think of me beating the shit out of your face”. It’s a fair point, Snow. I’m not arguing with you.
Then Nikki sits down with her sister and admits she’s totally in love with Richie. Nikki’s sister advises her to tell him ASAP. And Nikki’s sister seems like she’s got brains. That’s a visual joke.
Rose Ceremony Humiliation time.
Osh’s serious face is getting seriouser and seriouser.
3 into 4 doesn’t go etc etc.
And in no great surprise Ted Danson gets the boot. Osh wastes no time in clarifying the rules of the show: “Ted Danson, you didn’t get a rose”. Thanks for the clarification, Osh.
And for the first time in the series I actually felt sad.
But as Housemate A says, “Richie had to follow his Pee-Pee”.
This episode was brought to you by MenuLog, and by presenting sponsor Hahn SuperDry.