“You know I will”

Episode 2 and we’ll get straight into the dating. But not before Aaron uncovers the true glory of his full neck display.  Scary stuff, but he has been known to hypnotise his prey with it.

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Before the first envelope is opened we had another important discovery by Housemate A: “Lee has girly hands, which is a bit sad. He definitely has manicures. Yeah – his hands are so femme”.  This could have a profound impact on the show.

First date time and it’s smouldering Jake who made the first chemistry-based connection with our Georgia. For his reward, he gets a romantic cable car ride alone with our Belle, only with 3 cameramen, 2 sound guys and 4 rope technicians pretending not to be there. Ah, the romance! Then he gets to hang off a rope with Georgia and be lowered from said cable car. For those that tuned in late, here’s the gist:

“Butterflies. Nervous”.
“Butterflies. Chemistry”.
“Butterflies. Exciting”.
“Butterflies. Scary”.
“Chemistry. Chemistry”.
“Chemistry. Butterflies”.
“Butterflies. Butterflies”.

They finish in front of a fire in some old house, with Jake laying a blanket on Georgia’s lap, like he was caring for his sick Nanna. Some competitive cancer talk turned into more Chemistry blah blah and I’m starting to feel a bit nauseous.

Jake leans in for the kiss, a kiss which made me feel sick to the stomach, a feeling I hadn’t felt since Kiss Bang Love finished.  “He doesn’t look like a good kisser”, according to Housemate A.  I was struggling to hold back the vom from my mouth so I didn’t see it all.

Housemate A saw plenty more: “She gets a lot of work done, don’t you think? She’s definitely had her teeth and nose done. And botox.” Miaow.

Some more kissing and Jake’s hand went from the blanket towards the boob and that’s when I finally spewed.

Group Date time and the ultimate ‘Too Many Roosters in the Hen House’ scenario, with Zoolander and Hansel engaged in an actual walk-off. Promises to be amazing, but it’s all a bit disappointing in the end – just a load of gormless ego-squabbling between two self-obsessed douchebags. If they were smart enough, they would have found something funny to say about each other and then I would have quoted it. But they’re not smart, are they? They’re just really, really, really, really, really, ridiculously good looking.

As Housemate A said of Sam: “He is what is wrong with Sydney men”. Amen to that, Sister.

At the end of the date Cute Cam ends up blowing his chance of a kiss. He only had to move about half a centimeter, but something stopped him from doing it.  I just can’t quite work out what it was that held him back – Maybe it was because in all of his favourite Disney movies the heroes are true gentlemen. Or maybe it’s because he’s gay.  I think it’s probably one of those reasons.

Rose Ceremony Time
Osh Maths is still in play. Less roses etc. Amazing.

All the good looking ones get through so it’s down to Heath Ledger’s shorter, mongy brother Ryan, Bug-Eyed Ben who has taken too many drugs, and Aaron’s quadruple chin.

Ben gets the boot. Something tells me the other two won’t be long after him.

Someone tell me this is going to get better. Or that I am going to get better.
 

This episode was brought to you by Scenic World, Blue Mountains, and by presenting partner Hahn SuperDry, the low carb beer of choice for really good looking men who have good rigs n stuff.


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