We get straight into it tonight and Anonymous Extra #2 opens the single date envelope. At least he got to do something important before he’s kicked out of the house this week.
Spunky Lee’s got the date and only has 10 minutes to get ready, which is fine because he doesn’t get changed. But he does have enough time for a quick Zoom teeth-whitening session. They can never be too White, bro, that much is true.
Lee is a Plumber by trade, which means he’s an expert in managing discharge, avoiding wet-patches and getting old boilers all hot and steamy. He must be pretty handy with his spanner as well. I’m here all week.
Like the previous paragraph, Lee’s chat is a bit lame and mostly Dad jokes, which leads me to a moment of self-realisation – my own routine of crappy Dad jokes and puns really doesn’t cut it. It’s just as well I’m very well-hung because my chat game needs work.
Anyway after a chilly boat ride, the love-birds end up on a private beach with a secret treasure chest with 2 ice-cold Hahn SuperDrys to enjoy. After sharing these delicious low-carb beers, they get into the champagne and start fawning over each other. It’s just amazing how much of a connection they have, the chemistry etc etc, blah blah, snore.
I like Lee, small hands and all. Housemate A really likes Lee, although now “his teeth are too perfect”, which is concerning because I didn’t think that was possible and I’ve been thinking about asking her out but now I’m worried I’m not polished enough. Lee has to be considered a favourite but as with Cam, I’m again struck by a certain camp-ness about him. Maybe this is why this seemingly perfect man is so seemingly perfect with his perfectly white teeth and yet he’s so perfectly single? Or maybe he’s just a creep?
Anyway it all feels a bit laboured, like they each expect the sparks to be flying but neither can be bothered to switch the power on. Running out of things to say, Georgia suggests they play a fun game of “2 Truths and a Lie” which is lame but it results in Lee doing push ups, much to the enjoyment of Australia’s Women.
It all ends with more gushing over each other and then a rose. Then Lee leans in and gives it his best, most passionate, eyes closed, holding her face, soft lipped, most tender, best tongue kiss ever. At least that’s what he thought he was giving her. It actually looked like he was trying to put her whole head in his mouth. As Lady Lane pointed out by text, ‘he’s eating her!’
Next Up – Group date and it’s another super original idea including some competitive Trapeze Action. Involved in this date is Jay, who we haven’t seen yet because he spent the first 2 weeks in the solarium.
Also involved in all the build up is Short-Man-Syndrome Ambassador Matty. Because of his lack of height, Matty used to do gymnastics. Now, despite his lack of height, Matty manages to win the Trapeze challenge, by pointing his little feet and then using his short little arms to catch Georgia. This wins him some alone-time with our Belle and they had a bit of uninspiring chit-chat in the trapeze net. This appalled Housemate A because he was “fully touching her”, which was admittedly a bit creepy, even for a short guy. Matty clearly fancies himself as a bit of a dark horse (should that be Pony?), but in the end he’s a drip, and Lee knows how to take care of one of those.
Rose Ceremony Time
Oshie’s Mathematical Announcement reveals there are 12 guys and only 10 roses left. After a couple of minutes of reflection the guys work out that 2 of them are going home, which means absolutely nothing because all of them think they’re drop dead gorgeous and have strong connections with Georgia.
But pretty soon the cold reality kicks in for Aaron 5-Necks and Solarium-Jay. So Anonymous Extra #2 survives for another episode. But it’s coming tomorrow surely. Unless Heath Ledger’s stumpy cousin gets the chop instead.
Ho Hum. Is anyone else bored of this? Has Richie ruined the franchise? Would Gogglebox work as a 24-hour reality channel?
This episode was brought to you by Classic Boat Charters, Sydney Olympic Park Aquatic Centre, and by presenting sponsor Hahn SuperDry, a low-carb Treasure worth discovering at a bottle shop near you.