“I go simpler, and more meaningful”

Tonight Courtney kills them with kindness.  It’s all about Courtney and his special envelope for winning the First Impression rose. Will his unique take on the dates provide any more interesting TV that the guff we’ve been served so far? Will there be more Butterflies? Connections? Poetry? Douchebags?

Courtney’s really thought long and hard about this. He has to pitch it juuuuuust right to create that simple, sweet, humble, guy-next-door impression he desperately wants to leave. So he goes for a combi van, fish ‘n chips and watching sunsets…And dress-ups (?).

In the end Courtney might’ve left the impression he was planning but the date was only memorable for the fact that he choked when he was supposed to slip her The Tongue. Still, Georgia’s “definitely developing feelings” for him. I think those feelings might be somewhere between brotherly love and pity.

The best part of the date for me was seeing the Treasure Chest which had clearly been  rented for a week so they got good value out of it. That’s how good this date was.

Courtney’s Group Date wasn’t much better with Billy Cart racing.  Fugglies Tommy and Anonymous Extra #2 got paired together and took out the win.


As I’m watching I’ve got a feeling these two are at the bottom of the pile and will be fighting it out for the last rose.  In a twist Courtney continued with the nice guy thing and gave Tommy some alone time with Georgia, which seemed like a kind gesture, but really it just gave Tommy enough rope to hang himself.

The Cocktail party was marginally more interesting if only for seeing Short Man Syndrome’s Matty trying to get noticed with charades, and then seeing the Tall, Dark and Handsome Double-Douches trying to get noticed with chocolate.

But the best part was seeing Alpha-Douche Rhys, realising he won’t get noticed by reading Georgia more of his crappy ‘poetry’, and then chastising the others for trying gimmicks to get noticed. Because reading poetry isn’t a gimmick. “I’m definitely not a gimmick guy”, Rhys reveals. “I go simpler, and more meaningful”. Has there ever been a more douchey set of words ever said by anyone in the history of the whole world?  

Rose Ceremony Time

Oshie’s got his gravest, most concerned look on as he reveals that he doesn’t have enough roses to go around. It’s a serious business, this. And it’s just so amazing how he makes this seem like new news every single episode.

Cue a load of worried sounding voice-overs with guys talking about how much connection they’ve made etc etc. But in the end, Tommy isn’t suave and sophisticated. Tommy has beady eyes. But most importantly, Tommy wore a brown suit.

I really hope this is going to get better. If not, Richie’s got a lot to answer for.

This episode was brought to you by Maybelline New York, the make up that girls on TV  use when they do their own make up, which is like every day, especially when they’re actually on TV, and by presenting sponsor Hahn SuperDry – reconsidering its sponsorship approach with every episode.

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