“The butter to my knife”

Only 5 hunky spunks left now. It’s getting seriously serious.

Lee gets the last single date and Georgia admits she doesn’t know what he’s feeling about her. I’ve noticed that when she says serious stuff like this, she can’t help but revert to her newsreader voice:

  • “In breaking news tonight, I’m developing feelings for more than one guy”
  • “This just in: I’m still unsure of where I stand with Lee”
  • “Thank you Sandra. I’m standing outside Hobart court rooms and I don’t know whether Courtney really wants to be with me”
  • “Making news this evening, Lee has tongue kissed my entire face”

It’s a Dirty Dancing date and it’s raining and Lee has to catch Baby.

“This is just a terrible idea for a date” advises Housemate A.

Lee seems sweet and really into her. But there’s still that nagging doubt. Lee, in his super skinny jeans, so skinny they look like leggings; his baggy T with deep V neck and just enough of his perfect muscles rippling; his pasted on perfect smile with his perfect teeth that he’s practiced for so long in front of the mirror every day which he holds for EVERY SINGLE MOMENT OF THE ENTIRE DATE; the way he over-compensates by trying to tongue-kiss her whole mouth and nose at once. It just feels like he’s trying to hide something.

Romantic fireplace time later on and it’s time for Lee to explain why he has not been desperately trying to get noticed by doing ever-more shameful and pathetic stunts like the others. Lee responds with some of the worst verbal diarrhea ever heard. Seriously, if you don’t believe me, try saying this ONE SENTENCE in ONE BREATH like Lee managed:

“It was nice that I could get to spend that time with you but I’ve probably been maybe a bit reluctant to show my full feelings and things like that because  I’m worried that if I put my feelings out there I might get hurt like at the end of the day it’s hard for me to switch off and forget the fact that you are still dating four amazing guys as well and I understand your position and I respect that too and it’s not easy for you and I know you’re here to find love and so am I at the same time I’m still a little reserved”.
Holy shit!

Diarrhea or not, she falls for it (and that perfect smile) and before we know it Lee leans in and makes out with her entire face this time, this time with hands on face because he really means it.

Group Date and the recording studio shamozzle could be the most cringe-worthy of all time. Everyone gets to write and record a song. If you didn’t hear it, there’s no way I could possibly describe  how god-damn, tooth-pullingly awful it was to watch and hear as they put it together. Suffice to say it included a chorus lyric that went: “You’re the butter to my knife”. Importantly, Cam was paired with Georgie to write their song and in doing so established himself clearly in the friend-zone. Which is about right because he’s not really interested in girls. The end result after a few hours of producer magic was actually better than much of the gob-shite you hear on the radio nowadays. Goes to show how talentless commercial music is.

Jake got the alone time at the end of the date and he used it well, nailing her with cheesy lines delivered with cold hard steel and a serious glint in his eye which made her squirm and squeal in all the right places, before he leaned in and tongue kissed her closed mouth which was more than just awkward.  As Housemate A put it: “He just licked her mouth!”.  Going on how much Georgia has kissed them back, I have to put Lee ahead of Jake at this point.

Cocktail party moments include Cam just being so darn camp it’s simply not possible that he isn’t; Matty J being just too adorable; and Courtney trying to be honest and ending up sounding like he was trying to guilt trip her.  This is usually a wrong move at this point in the show (as is wearing terrible shirt/suit clashing combos). But then again she’s going to kick out the most obviously gay one and it’s not him.

Rose Ceremony Time
Oshie’s got his super serious face on and only 4 roses, and the super epic Independence Day / Blade Runner music has finally come back. Is this what was missing from the Bachelor? Will this bring the magic we’ve been missing?

Cameron gets the boot and is just so nice and charming and sensitive and understanding about it.  Sorry Cam, you’re a very nice guy. I hope you work it out.

Family dates tomorrow. Whoopee!

This episode was brought to you by the stinky fingers, saggy breasts, dirty bones and greasy boxes that could only be KFC in the most clumsily-obvious product-placements ever produced. It was also brought to you by Grant Burge 2014 Summers Chardonnay,  Marquee at The Star in Sydney, and by Hahn SuperDry, lowering carbohydrates and its own standards since this series began.

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