“Tonight Georgia’s journey for love reaches its epic conclusion”. That’s Oshie’s take at least. I can barely contain myself in my excitement. I’m sure you, faithful readers, will believe I really can’t wait for this to end.
The show’s writers set the scene for tonight with an incredible line which Georgia delivers with the thoughtful drama of a true television professional: “Lee is the guy I have never found, and Matty is the guy I never knew I wanted”. Truly incredible, inspired writing. I get the feeling they wrote that one weeks ago.
First up is the chance for the Love family to ‘grill’ the guys. But before that we enjoy a tender family moment – Georgia’s father and sister have lovingly ventured out to Singapore to support her and meet the 2 remaining suitors, in doing so they have lovingly left their wife and mother at home to fight cancer on her own. Such a loving, close family. It really is a tear-jerking moment
And so the pathetic ‘grilling’ takes place as expected as they try and pick holes in these two men’s sinister motivations.
– Small Man Syndrome’s Matty’s crime is that he doesn’t live in Melbourne. Woopty-fuckin-doo. I’m sure it didn’t help that Georgia’s Dad is a foot shorter than him.
– Lee’s crime is that he is smooth and he is saying all the right things. As Housemate A eloquently put: “the sister just creamed her pants when she met Lee but has turned into a jealous bitch because Georgia is clearly the hot one”.
It must be hard for Georgia’s sister, Katy. Not only was she hit with the ugly stick at birth, but she was born with Phar Lap’s teeth and no top lip and she has had to live in the shadow of her fucking lucky bitch of a sister all her life.
And what’s with the ridiculous lipstick? As usual, Housemate A nails it: “she’s got a ‘Guess Who Face'”.
Poor girl – she wanted nothing but for her sister’s perfect life to self-destruct in some terrible way on TV, and the bitch’s life just keeps getting better. And now she gets to choose from two studs.
At the end of this segment there was a small but very telling moment as Georgia gave Katy the Courtney treatment – “WHY CAN’T YOU TELL ME EXACTLY WHAT YOU THINK RIGHT FUCKING NOW, AFTER MEETING THEM FOR 10 MINUTES?”.
I’ve started to realise that Georgia could be a fucking nightmare. Time to run, boys!
Final date time and Singapore Tourism have really forked out. Housemate A feels like she’s “watching some terrible episode of Getaway”.
Georgia is clearly moved by these dates: “The more I spend time with Matty / Lee, the more I get to know Matty / Lee, and that really excites me about where this could go. Every day with Matty / Lee just gets better and better. I can absolutely see Matty / Lee in my life and I can see me in his too”.
My personal highlight – when Lee told Georgia his big news (surprise, surprise – that he was in love with her), and it was camper than John Eales starring in a performance of the Rocky Horror Picture Show at Palms nightclub.
FINAL EPIC HEARTBREAK/LOVE END SEQUENCE
And so the denouement is finally here and we finally say goodbye to Oshie. Parting is such sweet sorrow, Osh.
Matty feels sick because he’s so in love. Lee has found his best-friend.
Matty gets out of the car first and gets the sad cello music. He also gets to be humiliated with sound-bytes of him saying how totally in love he is, as he approaches the guillotine. And then for good measure he gets patronised by Georgia as she tells him how he looks handsome before the big and all important “BUT…”
He looks genuinely gutted, but he’s smart enough to stay charming, wish her well and hope he gets his own TV show next year.
Lee gets out of the car second and gets the happy piano. He hopes he will get to spend the rest of his life with her, cruising all the bars together, going furniture shopping together, raising cats together.
Georgia is so in love with Lee.
Lee. Is. So. In. Love. with Georgia. Only it seems a real struggle to say it.
It’s a true love story. A real life fairy-tale. You know, the one where the girl dates 20 guys and gradually dumps each of them until she’s left with the gay one.
It’s finally the end. I finally get my Wednesdays and Thursday nights back. Maybe I’ll ask Housemate A out on a date next week.
Tonight’s epic finale was bought to you by Scoot (Aeroplanes?), by Sofitel Hotels Sintosa resort, by Singapore Tourism, and of course by Hahn SuperDry, who yet again miss out on the big ratings because they all went overseas.